mind expanding nonsense

The Gym

About four to five mornings a week, I drag myself out of bed, get on my bike, and go to the Gym. I love lifting weights and working out. When I was fighting crime, one had to stay in shape to keep up with the bad guys. You also had to have a lot of endurance to put up with the idiotic directives and endless cascade of bullshit coming down from ”Admin”. So, like the guys in prison, many of whom can thank me for being there, I felt I needed to keep up with the clientele.

Now I gotta clear up some things for all you folks that may think being a Probation Officer was in anyway exciting or interesting. When I told people what I did for a living, they’d say something like: “How interesting” or “You must like working with people,” No, I didn’t like working with people, I liked screwin’ with people or why would I be in a racket where all I did all day was tell folks what to do, and threaten them with jail if they didn’t?? AND, to set the record straight; because I hate the confusion of terms. Probation means supervision BEFORE prison: parole means supervision AFTER prison. Jail, is a county facility. Prison is a State Penitentiary, commonly know as “The Pen”, “Big House”, or my favorite, “The Joint”. I would always snicker at that term because it was ‘loaded’ with double meanings.

Back to the Gym. When people ask me if I workout; I usually say “Ain’t it obvious?” Well apparently it’s not, or they wouldn’t be asking. When they ask me “Where”, I reply “The Gym”. “The gym?”, they reply, and I tell them the name of my gym is The Gym. Pretty simple, but sometimes people can’t comprehend that and an Abbott and Costello “Who’s on First” routine ensues, and it’s down hill from here. If they’d over medicated themselves (which sometimes accidentally happens to me) a “Niagara Falls” routine would follow.

I started liftin’ weights when I was sixteen years old, and got myself a Health-Ways 110 lb barbell set. I did every exercise in the small training booklet that came with it. Just like the husky guy in the diagrams, I was bench pressing, doing the military press, and tons of curls: wanted them big ‘guns’. [I was unarmed as a P O]. Boy I sure had a lot of testosterone them days. Wonder how many other 60 year old guys rushed out to buy a weight set after getting sand kicked in their faces. That never happened to me after I started “lifting”. And just like the Ad in them matchbook covers….Now I was the sand kicker, not the kickee….Sorry guys.

I didn’t keep lifting throughout the years. I stopped in college after I first learned about the joint. Or else, I would have been massive, awesome like Arnold, and in really good shape. Now I’m like Arnold. No job, and physically deteriorating; I don’t die my hair. But I started liftin’ again, fifteen years ago, and am now still in my prime.
So I go to the GYM just about every morning and workout.

My/The Gym is not a meat-market like a lot of “fitness clubs”. But an older gym, with even older clientele. Which is good if ya just want to stay in shape and want to get more out of Social Security than you ever paid in. Most of the folks there are friendly and into just staying fit. There’s tons of doctors, lawyers, and even a judge working out there. Some of these guys you even get to know pretty well.

Take my Tea Party Buddie, Mick. I sure like to yank his chain with some progressive stuff like, “Old Sarah sure got her tits caught in a wringer with that blood libel shit”. Well having arrived at the Gym with a big dose of Rush Limbaugh already under his belt, he’s ready to rant and usually responds with “You liberals always……” and then goes on with the latest GOP talking points or O’Riley rant. He thinks I’m serious. I’m really just screwin’ with him ( old habits die hard), and pushing every conservative button I know to see him squirm. Although we actually share a lot of fiscally conservative views, when it comes to religion, the intercourse takes on new heights of delight. He accuses me of not believing in God. To which I respond, “Yes I do, I go to church and worship Her every Sunday”. Mick goes ballistic and is usually so shell-shocked, that he stops liftin’ and has to go right home and turn on Fox News…..Don’t exercise much when he’s around, but my funny bone sure gets a good work-out.

So, not only does The Gym, keep me physically awesome, but mentally as well. Some of my best rants get their start in The Gym.

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Comments on: "The Gym" (10)

  1. i wish three things
    1 – that i would get off my backside and do some exercise.
    2 – that i could meet your tea party pal & give him a tweak as well
    3 – that i revisit you blog more often
    cheers alan

    • Thanks. Looks like that post gave ya a good work-out. I’ll have to dream up some new exercises for ya; only to get you in shape> 🙂

  2. geezerpussrex said:

    Before blog followers break out in a nation-wide case of Hansi-envy after seeing your latest illustration, I hope you put in a disclaimer. That washboard chested, bar-bitting drill instructor in the pencil drawing is NOT HANSI! Yes, he goes to The Gym, but his muscles are not as illustrated. Be that as it may, that picture is going to end up on some cell wall, keeping one or more of your maladjusted clients happy pending release.

    • Busted…OK that’s not me, but it’s not you either! By maladjusted clients, I presume you mean the ones in Prison, and not the people who follow this Blog. Sure hope those folks in prison release all their happiness while incarcerated, and not on me when they’re on PAROLE.

  3. Hansi,
    Thanks for the window into the fascinating world of crime fighting. Most of us never have the opportunity to learn those details. Sorry to hear that your hulk days are in the past. No need for those big guns now that you are a senior.

    • Ralph…Not only was I out there keeping the streets safe; I was keeping your minds safe from the nonsense I had to endure fighting crime.

  4. I started going to the gym (not The Gym) when I retired but got bored with it as I was always used to more adventurous activity – and I don’t necessarily mean sex!

    Now I walk, walk, walk, at least a marathon a week. Out in the countryside in the pissing rain, romping through muddy fields, you can’t beat it. Roll on summer.

    Bill
    Ashton-under-Lyne, UK

    • Bill….Nothing like a little adventurous activity to keep fit. I bet if you were more adventurous in the bedroom, that would put a lift in your step, especially while walking around when the rain is pissing on you. Anyway, it’s the drizzling shits ya really got to worry about when out in the countryside. 🙂

  5. Sounds like a great place Hans. I like the fact that you cycle to the gym. I can’t understand people who want to get fit, and DRIVE to the gym?

    You must have a good laugh with Mick, I have a similar mate who I run with, his name is “Ronnie Angry”. He tried to call himself BNB (Bloody Nice Bloke), but it never caught on.

    Ronnie Angry gets very angry about anything to do with Muslims or homosexuals. He’s even angry that he can’t use the word ‘gay’ in it’s original meaning.

    Just like Mick he’s a great laugh as long as you don’t take it seriously.

    John
    Leamington Spa, England

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