mind expanding nonsense

The Blog-O-Spear part 2

If you haven’t read my first post on the blog-o-sphere, read it! All this crap will make more sense that way. You don’t go right to the end of the book when you first get it? Do you? OK then; in summary: we’ve been conditioned to crank out bullshit all day since grade school, and only find retirement satisfying if we’re cranking out bullshit.

So this blogging thing has turned into a whole new world, and my Hallucinations have been in included. Despite all the chaos in Blogistan, there does seem to be some method to all this madness (think Hatter, no angry). And that is: to get as many views or hits on your site as you can. Everybody is goin’ round commenting on other blogs, in the hopes that they’ll get people to see what they’ve cranked out. [Old Hansi will plead ‘no contest’ to that one.] I make a post. You make a comment; I respond to your comment. I check out your site, as you check mine. We all check out everybody else, and end up in one huge daisy-chain of people yakking their heads off in order to be herd.

Some sites are really good,like the Cantankerous Old Coots who certainly share a lot of my views ( pun intended). Others offer real help on dealing with retirement issues like what do you crank out, when you no longer crank out bullshit all day? [Seriously, that’s a big one for a lot of folks and a normal phase one goes through upon first retiring.]…….Back to the fun. So why all this trafficking in Yak? To increase readership. One would think ya wanted more than family and friends just reading your stuff and thinking you’re a pervert. Nope. You want to increase your readership so you can Cash In. Make Money…Get Rich….cranking out bullshit all day. How to do it is the hard part. Advertisers are not beating down my door to place their products in front of my twelve avid followers.

But here’s my scam business plan. And I’m focusing on the retiree market: (1) Send me your Social Security check….(2) I’ll spend it on a night of debauchery, and (3) give you full credit in the morning on my blog. On whatever Wednesday of the month you get your check, immediately sign it on the back, add Payable to Hansi, and send it off to me. I promise to spend most of it on a night of unbelievable passion, and the best bottle of Two Buck Chuck money can buy. Plus, You’ll get the actual Polaroid photos I take, in a handsome plain manila envelope, with a personal message from me; I’ll even wave the usual $8.99 shipping and handling fee. In addition, if you are not totally satisfied, and not basking in the vicarious glow of how much I embarrassed myself in your name, I’ll give you a 60 day money back guarantee; and refund your money after 60 days… [Escrow should have closed on my Mexican Villa by then.]….If you act now, I’ll even throw in the cork.

I’ll be waiting at my mailbox,


Comments on: "The Blog-O-Spear part 2" (19)

  1. Hansi,
    I like your thinking! Don’t buy into the old stale methods like affiliate marketing and PPC. See Hansi live the depraved life you always wanted and maybe now find impossible even with viagra. All in a handsome manila envelope. You go, Hansi but don’t come crying to me when your wife kicks you out.

    • Here’s my little secret. In order to reduce my overhead, all the debauchery will be with the Wife. Why waste hundreds on high priced hookers when I can touch-up things in Photoshop.

  2. Ralph, I tried that viagra once, only for research purposes you understand. Anyway I’m not sure they were the real deal, because I bought them in a pub.

    I can’t decide which one works best the chemical one worked quickly. The herbal one took a long time, (too long actually), but it was a much better experience.

    What do you think?

    Rock hard in Leamington Spa, England

    • John. This may be the former Probation Officer in me coming out, but you were guilty of “stinkin’ thinkin'” on two counts. First, you were in a pub, and therefore probably getting thoroughly wasted and subject to poor decision making. Secondly, you probably scored some bogus shit, as the transaction no doubt occurred in the Pub bathroom, or loo as you Brits would call it, anyway the place you blokes go to after you tell each other to “piss off”. If you want to get the “good shit”, you need to either see your doctor, or go to your local Mary-Jane Dispensary for some “really good shit”. Stay out of trouble.

      • You’ve been over here haven’t you Hans? You know us quite well, but not well enough I think. You have to be born here to realise all that p**s off, and f**k off stuff is humour!…I know, 🙄 that’s why nobody understand us.

        Leamington Spa, England

    • Hi John Small World

      have you seen what happens if you give Viagra to kittens? Hm, that could make a good book.

      Gonna p**s off now.

      Why do you think they keep me here in the Forest?
      Can’t se the trees for the wood (Bl**dy Viagra)>

      • Alan, Thanks for stopping by, that was awesome of you to do that. You’re always welcome to share a few hallucinations with old Hansi

  3. John,
    I’m afraid I’m beyond help.

  4. Bob@JuicyMaters.com said:

    I was going to do it…right up until I re-read the post. I’m not buyin’ a villa for someone who goes along with daisy-chaining.

    • Hey Bob. Before you go running off to cash that check, consider this. This is a start-up venture for me, and a service for you. If you don’t go for daisy-chaining, I can leave it out completely and replace it with some other form of degradation. I just draw the line at weird acrobatics; gettin’ too old for that.

  5. A great summing up of blogging Hansi, and I see you have soon found your niche in the retiree voyeur market.

    I won’t be taking advantage of your excellent offer however, I much prefer to participate in sexual activity rather than being a spectator. Even the 60 day guarantee doesn’t swing it with me.

    Talking of swinging it, I must go, there’s someone calling me!

    Ashton-under-Lyne, UK

    • I fully understand Bill. Sex is a contact sport, and should be participated in as such….I hope that’s not nature calling 🙂

  6. geezerpussrex said:

    Hansi.. Those English blokes have apparently tapped into your California coast kicked-back mentality, but with undue kinkiness on their minds. Buying herbal Viagra-substitutes in a pub and swinging, why that’s not right!! Next thing you know you’ll be hearing from some guy in vinyl knickers, alone in his bed-sitter, with Vegamite spread on his privates, calling his cat in for tea. Ye Gads! Those naughty Brits with their rosy-red cheeks will be mucking up the blog. They swing like a pendalum, they do. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya. Cheerio,I’m off to the loo.

    • I know those Brits can be a wee bit wicked. But they can keep sending us all their TV shows, kinks and all. Just wish they’d keep the Sarcastic Simone’s at home.

  7. Hullo Chaps, another Brit here, you can’t keep us out. Oh, by the way, how’s your football (sorry Soccer) team doing these days. I’m amazed that you don’t have to keep saying “awesome’ every other line – show’s that this is classy blog.
    Anyroad, I’m looking for advice. I created a series of ebooks and happily published them online. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a single bloody (we say that a lot) sale.
    I thought I’d pick a keyword subject that would have worldwide appeal (and maybe get me some women) – Kittens.
    I can send you copies to check whether it’s the typography or layout that’s letting them down. I even added lots of colour (English for color) photos, but still no takers. Can you advise please.
    Tell me which ones you want to proof for me. There is: 25 Quick Recipes for Kittens; Breeding Kittens to Make Gloves for Fun and Profit; High Altitude Kitten Bouncing; Competition Kitten Ballooning; Kitten vs Rotweiler, the Sequel; Family Kitten Pie Recipes for Christmas.
    The hamster series failed miserably too.
    Oh, must go, they’re coming now.
    Cheers from TheMagic Forest, England (no, that’s not Europe).
    Tally ho chaps

    • Alan……If you want to get yourself some women, the term we’d use here in the States is Pussy, not kittens 🙂

  8. Nádherný ostrý příspěvek. Nikdy si myslel, že to bylo tak snadné. Skvělá práce!

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