Yesterday morning I was checking my e-mail, and getting ready to delete the contents of my Spam folder, when I gave it a closer look. Well my special pain relief medication that the compassionate people of California let me use was staring to kick in. And just when it was having its most beneficial effect I discovered that the Spam I get reveals a lot of who I really am. Scary, and stuff that I didn’t even know. So here are some secrets about old Hansi you’d never guess.
First and foremost. I want a larger penis. That’s right! And I can’t wait to get one. Everyday I get a reminder that I am not really all that I can be, and would be far more happier, along with those close to me, if only I send away for a certain product. It may be discount Viagra, some suction device or special pills, and its ready for me when I need it.
I am very popular, and reminded of that daily by a slew of women who just so happened to see my name on the web and want to chat. They must live pretty far away, cause it would cost me over $3.00 a minute to hear what they have to say. I even had Amanda M remind me of our date. [Now I gotta stop checkin’ my e-mails after medication, and turn it around to e-mail….then medication, cause not only did I totally space-out on our date, I didn’t even know who Amanda was.] I also have a bunch of former Classmates wanting to get a hold of me, and the list grows daily….I thought they all hated me in school.
I’ve got financial problems, and must be a fiscal wreck. Things are so bad, that I need to check my credit score daily, and not with just one agency, but with all three. On the positive side, there are tons of jobs out there that I can do from home and make over $50 an hour. Just testing stuff or secretly shopping.
I’m lucky. I’m winning contests and prizes just about every day; and I didn’t even have to enter to be a winner. I’d just prefer however, that they drop my winnings in the mail, and not make me go to their web-site and send them money in advance before I can cash in.
Lastly, and here’s the real heart-warming part, I am basically a pretty generous guy, who can be counted on to lend a helping hand. People in Africa even know about my philanthropy, and are making requests for my assistance to help them cash checks and do legal stuff for them nobody else will seem to do. They are so respectful.
You know, it’s reassuring that someone is looking out for me. I’m sure glad them folks at Google or the Internet are doing their job. Especially the guy behind the desk that monitors my account. Problem is, every time I try and send him a thank you e-mail, it never seems to go through.