mind expanding nonsense

I think we are all familiar with the creation story in Genesis, (or at least should be if you went to Sunday School as you were supposed to), and how God created the world in six days. But it was the second week after creation when things started to get interesting and go a foul.

In six days God made everything from dry land, to the fish in the seas, to animals whose job it was to be fruitful and multiply. The last thing God made was man, after which he had to take a break and rested on the seventh day.

On day eight, God brought the animals before Adam for him to name. Well, everything that was created on the sixth day along with Adam, had a day to get their land legs, were well rested, and now took to obeying God in earnest by getting fruitful and start multiplying. The world turned into sheer copulation chaos. Having a days jump on everyone else, the oceans were already a boil with passion. The air reeked of pollen, musk and pheromones; suffering from a global case of stink-finger. Everything on land was now busy screwing its brains out, being filled with Holy Heat (no wonder they called it Paradise).

Everything was busy doin’ it except Adam. [One had to wonder if Adam named the animals, “fucking cattle”; “fucking lions” or “fucking elephants”, because he was pissed about being left out of all the fun; or, was he just describing what he was seeing going on all around him?] God felt sorry for Adam, and while he slept, created a woman: Eve. So what is the first thing Adam does after seeing Eve? Yep,. He jumps her bones. With everything else around him balling their socks off, Old Adam must have felt really horny despite only being two days old.

Now, the real historical moment. What does Eve do? Eat the apple. Nope, that happens a few days latter; old Eve gets to thinking. “Now that wasn’t too bad, a little messy, somewhat enjoyable. But….I still feel a little …dissatisfied” So when Adam is asleep, a brain-storm occurs to Eve and she really starts to thinking. “If god made me out of clay and part of Adam’s rib, why don’t I fashion something similarly rib shaped, and then I’ll never be dissatisfied again!” Bingo….the first dildo was born.

Seeing how creative and cunning Eve was, put ideas into the Serpent’s mind, who was standing around watching all this madness. [That was before God took away his limbs.] “If Eve would fall for a fake phallus, just think of what she’d do for a bite from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.” And you know the rest of the story; it’s been downhill ever since.

The moral of the story: Guys..don’t get discouraged when the woman in your life gets on your case and wants to change you into a better man. That’s just the old Mother Eve Genes kicking in. God created you as a finished product, Not a proto-type, with room for lots of improvement.

To use a Jesse Jackson-ism: ‘That’s my Thesis, ’bout the Sexual Prosthesis’, and ‘That’s my song on the artificial dong’.


I take no responsibility for this post…the Devil made me do it.

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