mind expanding nonsense

The End Of The World

Well, here it is ; almost 2011. And you know what is just around the corner. Yep. 2012! That’s when the world is supposed to end and everything turns to shit. Don’t scare me though. I figure how much worse can things get?

Back in the mid 70’s I was a member of the Worldwide Church of God. Now those guys had the end of the world thing nailed. God was gonna unleash some nasty-ass shit on the world, and then send his son to take over for a thousand years. That was in the days when regular Christians were trying to get to know Jesus. [I knew Jesus. He has the gardener who sometimes worked down the street and played some really lousy music, with too many trumpets, way too loud for anyone else to enjoy. But he preferred to be called Hey-Zeus instead of Gee-sus as I often called him. Being a loyal WWCOG member, I could never call him Hey-Zeus, cause that who be like saying hello to Zeus, and Zeus is a false god and I wasn’t no idolater worshiping sinner.] I was off my meds during that time, which goes to show you, yet again: the need for proper medication. I’ll never go off my medication again, too much weird shit happens. Boy, I sure learned my lesson.

Anyway, now all the regular Christians are talking about the end of the world, and even hoping it comes soon. That’s what I thought too, cause when the shit starts to rain down from Heaven, I sure want someone to give me an umbrella. The regular guys think they are all gonna avoid ‘holy shit’ ( see there is actually an approved usage for that popular expression of dismay, which is not gross or blasphemous) by getting raptured. When I first heard the term raptured, I though some hare-lip was really trying to say Ruptured, which reminded me of all the adds I’d seen in 60’s Mens Magazines which asked: “Are you Ruptured?”. Back then I was even unsure what ruptured was let alone raptured (which I now know is a mid-air evacuation of all of Gods’ favorites back to heaven); looked like from the picture that your testicles some how got sucked up into your stomach which now had two pronounce protrusions, and the only solution was to wear a special belt. Come to think of it, there is a common denominator here: The only way to avoid some real pain is to gird up your loins. Preferably with Jesus (not Hey-Zeus).

I don’t know where I going with all this. Guess I have no choice but to live in fear. But wait a minute! Don’t go filling your britches with fear. There’s good news. People have been predicting the end of the world and setting dates for years……and they have all been wrong!

So have a Happy New Year…..might be the last one we’ll ever have.


Comments on: "The End Of The World" (4)

  1. Hansi,
    Nothing like an upbeat story to ring in the new year.

  2. Chuck Mangle said:

    You must be seeing a different doctor than I am. A few years back, I hoisted a crate of Tickle Me Elmos onto a shelf at our local Walmart and literally busted loose… I ruptured! It was no fun. I had to ride the city bus to county hospital with a five-pound bag of ice in my trousers. I get there soaked and the doctors turned me away. In those days,they gave you a truss to wear instead of a proper operation. I bought a leather one from a widow woman’s garage sale. It chaffed a bit but it still works. No medication and I’ve been back on the shipping dock! That’s how you take care of a rupture. As for rapture, I think there’s a salve.

    • Boy Chuck, that sure sounds bad… I don’t want that to happen to me. Where can I get some of that rapture salve. I’d sure like to rub some on the wife so if Jesus ever came by he’d scoop her ass up.

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