mind expanding nonsense

Tri Phoria: Men Are Doomed!

I hate to be so negative but it’s true. Men are doomed, or least, as I used to say in my probation reports, serve no useful purpose. Men have been replaced by machines for centuries. Recently it’s been robotics in Detroit, and computers everywhere else. Now, we’re even being replaced in the bedroom.

You won’ t believe this, and I shit you not, but early this morning I was using the remote to channel surf down from the Hallmark channel (which the wife watches after I go to bed) to the Business channel (which I watch in the morning while stretching and having my coffee) when I came across this infomercial which featured a group of women at a bridal shower raving on about this gift they’ve given to the bride that will blow her hair back. Well, it seems the folks at Trojan, the same company that provided you if all those ‘rubbers’ as a youth, has a new product out, just for women. I always thought that their products were kinda for women (why put a rib on a condom, did me little good).

Now they have the Tri Phoria personal vibrator just for the gals. And they want you to know it will “blow your hair back”.Don’t believe me? Check it out! If you don’t already have the Trojan site bookmarked, then Google Tri Phoria and see this ad for yourself. A fake bridal shower, with bride to be wearing a white veil, and all her tramp friends sitting around; everyone of these little harlots making a pitch to this gal as to how wonderful, and even better than  older models this appliance is. (I thought they was supposed to give ya a toaster, not a dildo!)

Message to newly-wed guys: When it comes to marital bliss, your ass is optional.

In an attempt to make this whole concept acceptable. Also featured is a photo of a couple, the guy with a smile of approval on his face. Don’t fall for it. He’s Gay! He’s just waiting’ for his turn to sit on that thing. You can bet your last beaver pelt that he First Dude up there in Alaska would never put up with this shit. We’ll maybe Sarah…….better not even go there.

I love the name Tri Phoria. Not only will this thing “blow your hair back” but with different attachments, there’s three ways to get you phoriating.  A double A battery will provide 30 minutes of continuous use ( if you’re not a little slut and keep it on high the whole time) . That’s 10 times the voltage ol’ Hansi can generate. You can even order one on-line….with free shipping.

Free shipping….Hmmmm, where’s my credit card.


Comments on: "Tri Phoria: Men Are Doomed!" (8)

  1. sorry but vibrators have been around for over a century.

    trojan is just engaging in hyperbole to make the device sound amazing, it ain’t.

  2. Nice work! great blog

  3. awesome blog, do you have twitter or facebook? i will bookmark this page thanks. lina holzbauer

  4. i used it and it felt great to me wink wink but boys are much better and yes jake it does work probaly better than u do by u urself in the bed

  5. […] year, way back in early December, I did a post on “Tri Phoria, Men Are Doomed”. Well it’s languished in the Archives for a long time, but has consistently […]

  6. look. i’m sorry boys. but the device truly is amazing. i would marry it if i could.

    the title of this blog is funny because after the first time i used mine, i thought that guys are doomed. that no one could ever get me phoriating better than the triphoria.

    HOWEVER. I WAS WRONG. THERE IS HOPE YET. i did meet a bloke who was better than a machine.

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