mind expanding nonsense

Proper Medication

If there’s anything that I learned in my 30 year career of fighting crime and dealing with mental health clients, it is that everyone functions at their best when properly medicated. Take that bipolar dual-diagnosis  meth freak for example. They’re going down the tubes fast because they’re using the wrong medication. In the business they call it “self-medicating”; but who else can you really medicate but yourself.   You can’t slip meds to other people, that’s against the law, although there’s a bunch of folks out there I’d like to slip a chill-pill to (in supository form). Or consider the decompensating schizophrenic. Nothing like a shot of Haldol to bring their psychotic asses back to reality (which is a board and care facility that takes the bulk of your $550 monthly SSI check, leaving them with just enough money to buy some Bugler and sit around all day smoking roll your own cigarettes with the other zombies. Yep. It goes without saying that it is of paramount importance that everyone be properly medicated. I know I am.


You gotta be careful though and not use just any medication; even the ones that your doctor may prescribe have hidden side effects, the likes of which you wanna avoid at all costs. Just the other day I saw a commercial for some stuff that relieves irritable bowel syndrome. Now there’s a lot of stuff that irritates me, but I sure don’t want it to be my bowels. Anyway the list of dis-claimers was longer than the actual pitch to try this shit. You could die, have a stroke, suffer nausea, vomiting, and the dry-heaves, be constipated, have diarrhea, flatulence (my favorite term for farting), or even have your ass-hole catch on fire. This product was not to be used by anyone who is pregnant, has been pregnant or ever wants to get pregnant (sorry gals). Use in combination with Aspirin, Tylenol, Ibuprofen or Aleve could cause anal bleeding. And the list goes on.


A proper medication should improve ones life, reduce stress, provide relief from suffering and induce a general feeling of well-being. My favorite medication does all of the above and more. And its an organic, created by God Himself. There are some side effects however. I’ve found that when overly medicated, I have a tenancy to fall asleep on the couch while listening to my favorite Led Zeppelin album. There is also the danger of rushing to the refrigerator and eating everything you can find. And then there is laughing. Once when my medication was just starting to have its most beneficial healing effect, I started to watch ‘The Super Hero Movie’ and laughed my ass of for two hours. My jaw hurt afterwards. So you got to be careful. But, you got to stay properly medicated, for one is only as good as his medication.


Comments on: "Proper Medication" (1)

  1. This of course begs the question, what is your favorite Zep album?

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