mind expanding nonsense

Reptile Dysfunction

A few years ago there started to appear on television, really ambiguous commercials featuring older couples longingly looking at each other with sappy looks on their faces, who ended up in separate bathtubs out in the country or at the end of a pier. Now I wasn’t paying much attention back then, and thought I heard them talking about Reptile Dysfunction. That didn’t make much sense to me cause I didn’t see any lizards or anything. But then I found out that they weren’t talking about reptile dysfunction but Erectile Dysfunction, or E D. Now that made more sense, cause  I wasn’t seein’ any snakes, and apparently, neither was she.

It now appears, at least from the number of E D spots on the evening news, that there is an epidemic of us old dinosaurs with limp lizards who just can’t raise our ding-dongs; guys beggin’ for a boner, wishin’ for a woodie, suffering from a lack of stiffies, or just plain hankerin’ for a hard-on. I wonder whats the cause of this aliment. How could something that worked so wonderfully when a teenager, peter out on ya late in life? Maybe it’s those 60 plus hours a week at the office, the pressure to put kids through college, maxing-out your 401K. Or maybe it just gets down to this: after 30 years, how many more times can I keep hittin’ that thang?

Whatever the reason, I sure wouldn’t try the drugs they’re pushing on TV. That stuff could kill ya; and the list of side effects (which ironically enough include impotence) are longer than my you-know-what.

Can ya see yourself dropping dead on top of the old lady with a four hour erection? May be good for her, but I certainly don’t want to go out that way.

Here’s what I would suggest. First and foremost: Get out of them separate bathtubs! Last time I checked, sex was still a full contact sport, and there ain’t nothing in modern medicine that’s gonna lengthen the ligham of the occupant in Tub A long enough, to have any meaningful effect upon the recipient in Tub B.  Rather, get in a Hot Tub; have a glass of wine or do a doobie; stop worrying about your dangeling dick, and you’ll do ya just dandy. It works for me.

So, when it comes to reptile dysfunction, follow my advice.  Just say no to drugs (the pharmaceutical types), chill out, and your lizard will function just fine.

This drawing really has nothing to do with the above.  But I though I’d throw it in cause this is my 5th post.

Advertisements

Comments on: "Reptile Dysfunction" (3)

  1. Even the sun (or is that “son”) is appalled with what is happening in that picture 😉

  2. check this out

  3. […] I set him up with a shiny new WordPress blog while down in SoCal for Thanksgiving, so he can share his random thoughts about random things (why he loves Sarah Palin, his disdain of stoopid english, how diapers have kept the Chinese from converting to Christianity, and the more-than-I-ever-wanted-to-know-about-my-dad Reptile Dysfunction ). […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: