I don’t know about you, but I’m getting sick and tired of all these hand-drawn journal-entry type posts that I’ve been cranking out of late. I’m afraid folks will start to thinkin’ that I’m just a one dimensional blogger, who lays around the house all day getting loaded and drawing pseudo psychedelic self- absorbed dribble.
Well, I’m much more ‘well rounded’ than that. See, I also have a dirty mind, and sometimes lay around the house all day dreaming up filthy poetry and limericks. That was the reason I started my Blithering Idiot blog almost two years ago; as a vehicle for “My way with words” ( also known as the Missionary Position of Poetry).  Be sure to check out my early Archives for a shit-load of good stuff.
So here’s a few “Variations” on some classic Nursery Rhymes. I call em (what else?)…Nursery Crimes:
Old King Hans
Had a very old schwance,
A very old schwance had he.
It gave him such a fright
To get up three times a night,
Just to stand there, waiting to go pee.
*
Jack and Phil went up the hill
To stretch each others waggers.
Jack fell down and said with a frown
“Phil can bugger me anytime he swaggers.”
*
The Queen of Hearts
Had the farts,
To everyone’s dismay.
The Knave of Hearts
Also did fart,
And cleared the palace away.
The King of Hearts
Smelled those farts,
And beat the Knave sore.
The Knave of Hearts
Couldn’t take back the farts,
But promised he’d let no more.
Comments on: "Nursery Crimes" (28)
Those are pretty clever Hans.
Glad ya liked em.
________________________________
Obviously, Hansi is the King of Farts.
And of tarts
________________________________
They say as you age, you return to childhood. Proof positive.
I’m working my way down from adolescence to that best of all worlds my latency period.
________________________________
That second sketch is awesome! BTW, you would love an ol’ British punk band called The Anti-Nowhere League. They had a wonderful way with some naughty lyrics, and crass as they may have been, were crafty with dirty lyrics and characters, which may have come off as being classless, but were still rather crafty and fun.
Using craftiness and wit raises filth to new levels.
________________________________
Having dwelled in a dozen dimensions for decades ago I am perfectly content with being one dimensional now.
I’m leaning more and more that way too.
________________________________
You’ve got your head full, cranking out dirty limmericks. I’ve crunk out a few myself.
Got real stinky toward the end.
Best to open a window after reading that one
________________________________
LOL! Fun verse!
Don’t get me started! Don’t forget I am the man from Nantucket!
Then I’ll duck it.
________________________________
hehe
Fart poems? You’re obviously much younger than I thought!
Not necessarily. Forgive the self serving link but this will explain things a little: http://testazyk.com/2010/05/07/am-i-a-bad-person-because-i-laugh/
That is actually a great post! I loved it! And I think Freud may be right on. I can remember my mother going to my school and complaining because the teacher read us a book with the word “turd” in it. Hahaha! Maybe that’s why I’m the way I am–orderly anyway. I am trying…I bought my young nephew the book “Walter the Farting Dog.” I’m sure my mother wouldn’t approve!
Walter is one of my two grandsons favorite books. Especially when Grandpa provides all the special sound effects.
________________________________
Loved bro
________________________________
Not really, just immature for a Medicare recipient.
________________________________
Farts…..always hilarious
Don’t get much better than that.
________________________________
I spend a lot of time with my two 8 year old nephews and there is nothing funnier in the world.
Poots are the routes to being loose…
Poetry AND toilet humor? A man after my own heart.
A natural combination…kinda like teenagers and drugs
________________________________